


Mediocre At Best

by sallyamongpoison



Series: Something So Domestic AUs [12]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Dorian isn't very good at it, M/M, Meditation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 05:29:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12905097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sallyamongpoison/pseuds/sallyamongpoison
Summary: In which Dorian tries to meditate, and finds it to be difficult to stay in the moment.Inspired by this bit by John Mulaney: https://youtu.be/pIVZpzvduZ4?t=1m39s





	Mediocre At Best

_Okay. Back straight. Don’t arch. Breathe_.

He took a breath, let it flow through his nose and into his lungs, held it for a moment, then let it rush out of his mouth. In by a count of five, hold for a count of three, release by a count of five. Over. And over. And over. Dorian could feel his heartbeat start to slow a little, felt himself become conscious of the way the cold air of the apartment filled his sinuses, and how warm it was when it left his lips. It was comforting. Relaxing. Good.

_I need to make those phone calls today. Shit, did I remember to take those notes home with me? I remember having them in my hand, but did I put them in my bag-_

_No! Stop. Focus. Breathe._

Again, in and out. He was trying. He’d been trying to do this meditation thing for at least ten minutes a day. Cullen had suggested it. It was supposed to help with keeping his mind clear and let him step away from work or whatever life threw at them. Cullen did it. Cullen always looks so relaxed when he did it too. Like it helped. Like…he could turn his brain off for those ten minutes and just be there, on the floor, with his mind and body perfectly centered.

So he was trying. A week into doing this when he got home from work while the house was quiet, and he was struggling. Quieting his mind was always a struggle anyway, but when he was actively  _trying_  to do so it made it even harder.

In and out. Feel the breath. Stay in the moment. Okay. He could do this.

_What did we decide to do for dinner tomorrow? Do we need dog food? I need to make a shopping list so we can go on the weekend-_

_Get it together, Pavus. Stop it. Just breathe. Don’t think about tomorrow. Just think about right now. This very second. You can do this_.

And now he was not focusing by focusing on focusing. A frown made his lips tip downward, and he could feel his brow furrowing just a little. This was so fucking hard. How did people do this every day? Or did they? Did they actually quiet their mind for these ten minutes, or however long they said they did this for, or did they just go through the motions and look as serene as a lizard sunning itself on a warm rock? Obviously they were lying. There was no way.

_In through the nose. Out through the mouth. Feel your stomach expand, then your chest, then hold it-_

_What time is it? How long have I been sitting here? Clearly it has to have been ten minutes. There’s no way it hasn’t been. Cullen will be home soon. I should get dinner started so we can eat before nine tonight._

He sighed. Dorian shifted his weight around a bit, and opened one eye to look up at the clock that sat on one of the shelves in the living room. It had been a whopping four minutes since he’d settled in on a blanket with crossed legs and forced himself to relax. Ugh. His back hurt too. Sitting up straight like this was rough, made his shoulders and spine ache after being stuck in an office chair all day, and his feet were going a bit numb from being tucked up under his knees.

_No. No, you are NOT giving up on this. You said you would try it. Just stay in the moment and breathe. Let it all go. Be in this moment for ten minutes. You can do ten minutes._

Grey eyes closed again, and he fought back the urge to slouch as he resettled himself and started those slow breaths again. In and out. In…and out. Cullen would be so proud of him if he managed to do it. It had helped his husband so much to do this kind of thing, so he had to make the effort. Stay. In. The Moment.

Okay, the moment sucked. Being alone at home, forcing himself to breathe, wasn’t at all how he liked to spend his time. He could have been doing any number of other, more productive, things. But he was trying. It sucked, but he was trying.

_Breathe 2, 3, 4, 5_

_Hold 2, 3,_

_Out 2, 3, 4, 5_

_My back fucking hurts. Maybe I should ask Cullen to rub it for me later. Of course he will, he offers every night. I should return the favor. That would be nice. We can sit on the couch with some ice cream, and I’m pretty sure that CSI: Val Royeaux has a new episode-_

“Maker damn it,” he muttered as he opened his eyes. Dorian slouched, let his hands fall back behind him as he leaned his weight on his arms, and he stared up at the clock. It had been another two whole minutes. Six minutes. Six was the majority of ten, right? He could claim he did it for that long. Besides, there were plenty of other moments he’d rather be in.

Like that moment when the door opened and Cullen came inside with his smile that could light up the room. Or perhaps when the scent of cooking food filled the house, and the dog pranced at the counter and begged for scraps. Those were good moments that he focused on, lived in happily, and felt more relaxed than he ever had when he took the time to enjoy them. Those were the moments he wanted to be present for.

This? Sitting on a blanket on the floor? Less so.

_Breathe in. Breathe out. His smile is so beautiful. In. Out. The dog playing with that stick outside was hilarious. I’m glad I got video of it. In. Out. That ice cream on the couch sounds like a great idea. In. Out. We really do have a wonderful life, don’t we? In. Out. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. In. Out._

His eyes opened again, and Dorian blinked a few times when he looked at the clock. It had been another five minutes. Had it been? He hadn’t even noticed. And he felt…better. Relaxed. His body was calm, and he could feel the ghost of a smile on it his face.

Okay, maybe this whole meditating thing wasn’t  _so_  bad.

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of those moments where what happens in my life is represented by Dorian. Full stop. Meditating is hard, amirite?
> 
> You can always find me on Tumblr! @sallyamongpoison


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